Do as the Plant Does

I, by my very nature (pun intended), am NOT a green thumb. People will hand me all sorts of potted plants to take care of, mistakenly believing they'll survive longer than a month. When I initially started growing marijuana, I just wanted to save a buck. My first attempt cost me 100$ worth of gardening materials, and I killed all four of my plants, two of which I managed to brutally murder in their infancy.

And yet, despite the fact I became a cannabis serial killer, I kept coming back to the hobby. The second time ended up as a graveyard of marijuana, again. The third time, I finally succeeded in growing two plants which can truthfully only be described as low quality cannabis. Riddled with stems, seeds, and having to smoke a whole truckload of it to feel anything, I was damn proud.

Learning to take care of living things with negative thought cycles posed a challenge. Many more growing cycles later (some of which still ended up in complete failure), I came to learn the following lessons:

1) Patience

The odyssey from seed to harvest is a long one, with very long and grueling steps in between. It's an exciting endeavor to begin to partake in, especially when you see your first seed sprout through the dirt! But it gets less exciting the week after. And the week after that. And after that. And the week after that one. By the end, when I was hand trimming my final product with an aching and cramping hand, I couldn't wait for it to be over. I couldn't tell you the amount of times I went to check on my plants, expecting any sort of noticeable change. My impatience would grow by the hour, an annoyance that welled up with me until it reached a bothersome crescendo of “Why aren't they ready to harvest yet???”

So I had to find a way to deal with it, lest I carried through my days with something more than a mild annoyance on my shoulders. I began to accept things as they were, and wanting something, even really badly, wouldn't make it come any faster.

2) Love

To witness something under your care not only grow, but flourish is nothing short of a miracle. I stood in awe near the end results of my harvests, with plants towering over me at 8 feet tall, it was hard to imagine that such a majestic came from a small seed. As I grew my plants, I gave them names, played them music, and eventually, grew to love them.

Which begged the question, if I can love a plant so much, why can't I love myself just as much? I, like my plants, was a living thing. Growing, and doing the best I could every day, even if some days it meant I was just surviving. As if I was looking in a metaphorical mirror, I, like my plants, had days I got hurt and days I flourished. So why was I being so hard on myself? As a living creature, I learned I deserved to give myself the same amount of love that I did my plants.

3) Forgiveness

Many, many, times I made mistakes. You know the feeling of when you work really hard on a project for months at a time, and then something goes wrong? Not only did they go wrong, but it was also because of your mistake? Incorrect pH values, too much or too little of a nutrient (I find myself particularly guilty of over-loving my plants...), and a once healthy, lusciously green looking plant would look diseased and sickly.

It made me think of all the times in my life I've made mistakes, even hurt people the way I did my plants. More often than not though, the plants would bounce right back. I learned that my mistakes, even the really bad ones that would have me cringing while falling asleep (you know the ones), existed as a permanent occurrence in my head. I often revisited the past, my shame and guilt confronting me at every corner. However, with tender love and care, my plants never remained diseased and sickly, and so too, could my conscience. All I needed was to forgive myself, and to accept myself as an imperfect human who sometimes makes mistakes.

I truly believe in the healing properties of marijuana, of how it's capable of healing both the mind and spirit. Plus, saving money was also pretty neat.