My Sky You're Always There
When you try to find me
I try to hide
It’s like I’ve been swallowed by the sea
And you’re just here for the ride
You search and search, but nothing’s found
As I fall deeper and deeper
Almost in slow motion until I hit the ground
The heart does not become clearer
As my body slowly dissolves
I wonder why the sea loves me
Don’t leave me here for nothing will be solved
Why can’t it be you instead who loves me
The sea is so large and filled with motion
But you are more vast and blue
He can rage and be calm, it’s his only emotions
But yours are shown with the multi-colors that are true
I blamed you for almost everything
Especially how you left me
But here’s the sad thing
It wasn’t you, but me, who went to the sea
June 19, 2020
Most of the time, at least for me that is, I think about my past. I constantly hear from people that the past shapes you to become the person you are today. I believe it fully, but at the same time there are some parts of the past you don't want to accept. I fell in love with a guy just before entering high school. It was filled with emotions because he was my first crush. At the moment, I thought to myself that there is no one else in the world that I could fall in love with besides him. Back then, I was naïve and still developing.
He taught me many things about the world. He taught me that it's never to late to hold onto the things you love the most in this world. He taught me that it's okay to change and become who you truly were. Just like the sky, even he was changing colors; blue to pink, then orange to red. He expressed these emotions that made me think in a deeper level than I thought I ever would. I never met a guy who was so invested in learning more about the human mind and how they felt. In a way, he inspired me to do the same; by doing so, I learned more about life experiences. I was able to feel empathy, show compassion, and love others. I changed from cold dark clouds to clouds that changed with the sky; pink and fluffy or shapes that I never knew existed in me.
From then on, life was an adventure. It was filled with fun and joy. He was always there for me, reminding me about how beautiful human beings and the world was. He taught me that it was okay to share my thoughts and feelings. The one feeling I regret not telling him was how I felt about him. I didn't want it to ruin our friendship. I didn't want to lose him and just like that the colorful clouds can often times be filled with thunder and lightning.
I stopped listening and texting him for a few months. I disappeared first like. All I could see were just gray cloudy days and no clear blue skies. From time to time, I wish I could see him, but I didn't. So I left him and tried to forget.
Along the way, I met another guy. Things were different, it wasn't the same. Everything was black and white to him. Flat waters or huge aggressive waves. I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into. I knew I made a mistake, but I didn't know how to escape the sea if I didn't know how to swim in it. I was too deep in the waters that I couldn't look at the sky anymore. It was dark and I couldn't see in the water. I was drowning inside of what I thought would help me breathe.
One day, I gave it one more shot and tried to visit my sky. He was never there. It was just me that people either stared at or ignored and I was covering him up. I was the cloud that covered up the sky, I felt like I erased his existence, but really deep down in my heart I finally realized that he was always there for me; and he always will. I miss him, but I moved on and I'm loving the sun.
In this journal I haven't gone into the details of my memories with me and my sky, but I provided hints to help guide you to understand more of my poem. It's important to live life to the fullest and remember that you should be with the one's you love and never take them for granted. I'm not perfect, but one thing for sure is, I know I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for both the sea and the sky.