Will You Make It out Alive?
What's the goal?
Food is the enemy
Staying busy is the remedy
Stop for too long and you'll start to feel
Hunger will fade after a little while of going without
Fear of gaining weight will never go away
Flee from the eyes of others because you're not good enough yet
The voices in your head aren't really yours but it's a comfort
Pillows soaked from your tears
The darkness of the night sky reflects the darkness you feel inside
Push them away before they get too close
Hell is empty because all the demons are here
Your head is filled with ideas that serve as an ideal image of what your body should look like
The thinner the better
In fact, you can never be too thin
Don't stop
Keep pushing yourself
Feeding tubes, treatment centers, and hospitals won't want you
Passing out, bruises, and self harm become your new normal
Praying for God to take your life because you're too chicken to cut deep enough
Enough...funny how we define that word
The smaller I am and the less space I take up, the more enough I am-thin enough, good enough, pretty enough
They all tell you that you're dying
Don't stop now
What's the goal?
I can't remember
My chest hurts, everything is blurry, I can't concentrate but boy can I remember every calorie count for the foods in my refrigerator
Cold to the touch, maybe even cold on the inside too
No friends left, they've gotten tired of watching you waste away
Gone
When will it be gone?
This thing, this...disease, illness, eating disorder, anorexia, really is killing me
Food is the enemy
Staying busy is the remedy
The solution?
Start eating again and sit on a couch with a therapist across from you
Sounds easy to outsiders
To you, death sounds like a better route
Will you make it out alive?
About the Creator
Amanda Olejniczak
I am a writer, poet, and proud advocate for mental health. Addtional content I create can be found on Instagram: @amanda_unfiltered or @amanda_unfiltered_poetry.
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