When you have to poop but then nothing comes out

Twas today when I was walking

After my first sip of coffee

When a shit did come a knocking

Knocking on my sphincter door

*

So I hopped up in my car but

I was cursed with rather hard luck

Cuz McDonalds and then Starbucks

Both had Closed signs on their doors

*

A looming sense of danger

As I squeezed my cheeks in pain there

Was no way I’d bare the shame

Of pooping on my new car’s floor

*

At last I made it home

and thanked the stars I live alone

Forsooth the noises that did come

Would rival a t-rex’s roar

*

Twas a sense of pure elation

Yes, rewarded for my patience

Pressed my cheeks on porcelain

But my poop told me nevermore

*

Confused and feeling stupid

Started hollerin and hootin

Tried to push a little poop out

But it still said nevermore

*

An hour of little progress

Made me give up and then re-dress

As I frowned upon the nuggets

I expelled from my back door

*

Broken and defeated

And with both my legs asleep

I left while dragging both my feet

The only loser of that war

*

Getting better I went shopping

*

Bought myself another coffee

*

When a shit did come a knocking

*

Knocking at my sphincter door…