What’s My Identity Because I Forget Every Day

upside down my sense of reality has gone

brilliant because insanity is shiny

and ofcourse

i continue staring into my eyes

for hours in mirrors.

& as my mind shifts towards disappearing

i continue swallowing shrooms

weekly to watch the walls become my body

the ceiling become fragile

when I’m sober

when I’m my daily peaceful

i still recognize I’m hallucinating.

that’s sacred.

i did all we’re scared of

truly what terrified me beyond measure

i surrendered to the irrelevance of human

existence.

they want me to sew my lips

because I still sound depressing

as if we’re all useless & thats the hidden truth

but I continue sitting in meditation while

my thoughts slice each other up

& I find the universe offers me peace

to

lose separation between myself & everyone

between myself & the houses & cars

& grass

& objects

to be one

so I’ll keep dying

death is the worst thing we imagine

oh fuck, to not exist anymore.

to leave it behind, every moment we stressed

on making life into perfection

just for there to be an end to us?

eventually

i grasped the obvious knowledge

to stop chasing oblivion

& befriend it.

no one will come to that silly thing we call

a funeral

there’s no one to come

there’s never been anyone here

but

a clash of dimensions creating

structure

buildings, cities, physical objects

forming memories

building identities

& sketching the illusion

these are all totally different things.