What Loving You Was Like

Honestly, i don’t think i want to even write this poem.

Because as soon as I begin, I will fall for you all over again.

It’s ironic how much i loved you when i didn’t love myself.

I feel like all the words, all the phrases, everything you said,

Was all a sick joke.

Loving you felt good, and when i believed you loved me too, i felt okay.

But now i portray that i am okay,

Leaving spaces in the lines i say,

Hoping you can read between them.

Loving you was like breathing after drowning for your whole life,

Loving you was like living up to be what I wanted.

Loved back.

But now, since you left, i can’t seem to even think,

I get up and write about you,

I isolate myself from everyone hoping they won’t see me when I let my guard down.

I don’t even let my dogs in my room, because they can tell when i’m sad.

And i’m always sad.

I can’t eat,

I can’t sleep,

I can’t even begin to type what i want to say to you on the phone.

And if i do, i delete it all, careful not to press send because i would just die even more inside if you ever saw what i felt.

I won’t lie...i miss you with every inch of my heart.

And it hurts.

c.b.