We Both Go Together If One Falls Down

"If one goes down, the other starts swinging...”

I remember when I was enough for you.

I remember when you were all I needed.

I would give anything to go there.

I would give my life to undo.

Oh, God.

Undo.

I don’t think you feel the same.

The gaping hole inside my head,

The uneven steps I pretend to take,

The cracks and fissures inside my brain,

Unsteady beats my heart.

Unsteady my hands.

I can’t wake up.

14hrs a day isn’t enough.

& I hear you crying out in my sleep.

I feel you crawling into bed,

I feel you in my house,

& the fog in my head convinces me you’re here.

You’re alive & you’re here.

& you said “Don’t ask or I’ll cry.”

& I woke up at 4am thinking you’d died.

& I couldn’t breathe because it’s not you,

It’s supposed to be me.

I was there when you fell & I snarled at everyone who came to help

Because I was strong enough for you.

I could pull you out & carry you home.

I always carried you.

& I remember the day you told me to go away.

& I realized that you were carrying me too.

& I never said thank you.

I never saw your side.

I was selfish & needy & mean.

& you just carried me through.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss being yours & I wish you were still mine.