Was It You I Wanted?

It was at a basketball game

My friend gave me your name

I didn't like sports

But, I met you there just the same.

You didn't look like the photo she gave me.

Still, I considered your heart thinking maybe.

I wasn't the typical girl

But, you were the typical guy

So I put my shyness away, when you walked over to say "Hi."

We would talk on the phone some long hours.

It was because of comedy

Our relationship flowered

While I must say,

We had that in common.

Had I married you

We could afford nothing but ramen.

Your lack of motivation combined with

Your sole wants and desires

Meant you were so selfish

It put out my fires.

So, thus we ended

Though I'm not ashamed

We were much too young to enter the game.

Life gets complicated, difficult, and messy

And you were too busy mooching from family.

Doing the bare minimum just to get by

While I worked hard and said my goodbyes.

Were you what I wanted?

I'd say that wasn't so

So, I set my feet forward and proceeded to go.

So here I was entering relationships brand new

When a man inside of a company truck came through.

His arms were so large, muscled, and rugged.

I drooled instantly and wanted to hug them.

When he asked me for my number

I asked him, "Who me?"

He chuckled at my response rather swiftly.

I noticed the tattoos running up and down his arm,

And the smile he gave me was full of much charm.

Could someone like this really find me attractive?

I gave him my number, which was likely too reactive.

I must admit, he was quite the looker

He made my body heat up like a pressure cooker

I'll never forget the taste of his lips

The softness of that kiss despite his tough appearance.

We talked about politics and philosophy,

And one other subject; psychology.

He wasn't just sexy; he was smart too.

He knew just how to put me in the mood.

I thought it was love, and my friends started to fret.

Oh, but I'd find out that that wasn't it.

I should have heeded their advice,

But I held strong to my own demise

Shortly, I'd find out about his real life

How he lied about his age, his love, and his wife.

Though technically not married, they might as well be

At the time, she was officially his fiancée.

He told me he loved her, but was in love with me.

I told him I didn't believe love principles work separately.

I told him to leave me out of his love triangle

I left him afterward, taking the high angle.

After that heartbreak, I experienced woe.

Was it you I wanted?

The answer was "No."

Eventually, I'd meet a creator in kind

With a creative, wonderful, and brilliant mind

I was in the college lunchroom

Sometime around noon

When I noticed a new student I had made swoon.

I knew by the look in his eyes as he came near

That I was the prize he was seeing quite clear.

But I was distracted and in quite a rush

I needed to submit a newspaper article to my crush;

Who gave me three hours; that deadline was fast.

And I soon worried I'd be submitting crap.

I have standards for writing.

Don't those matter too?

I soon became torn with what to do.

Others had deadlines I knew were much longer.

I had trouble under the pressure finding something to conjure.

When I met my dear crush I was smitten on sight.

He was handsome and charming, and so intellectually bright.

He had hair like DiCaprio in the Titanic.

When he asked me for favors, I promptly panicked.

I did what he asked, and I did it quite right.

I hadn't said no-at least not until this night.

I wasn't happy with what I threw together.

It wasn't enough, and I knew I could do better.

He could have asked me a week ago or more.

Around the same time he asked the other authors before.

But for me, I received hours.

He didn't consider my time.

Yet, he expected it to work out for him just fine.

As I considered this, I changed my mind on that date.

Who showed up on time, not a single second late.

He wore a flat cap and dark-rimmed glasses.

It was obvious to me he was trying to make passes.

I'll admit when I met him, I worried a bit.

He spoke of whiskey and cards as a cigar he lit.

I wasn't a fan of his affection for smoking.

I didn't care for bourbon or gambling or toking.

I began to question my decision.

When it finally occurred to him that this conversation needed revision.

Instead, we discussed our interests in movies and such.

We found common likes even though I wasn't expecting much.

He said deep down, his dream was to be a director.

He wanted to be something more than a common spectator.

He had a passion for zombies and tried to direct;

A failed attempt on an amateur film prospect.

Sadly or funnily, the movie was shut down

When the police showed up on the scene of his local town.

He did not receive prior authorization

Which resulted in a tricky situation

Thankfully, no one was arrested.

No charges were brought up,

And nothing had to be contested.

I laughed so hard I became quite unstable.

Then, we made out while we were able.

I do admit he was a great kisser.

And from that point forward, our romancing became easier.

After a few dates, I became his girlfriend.

One that he seemed incredibly proud to mention.

He wrapped his arm around me protectively.

I didn't mind this subtle act of jealousy.

He found out that I loved to write.

He was also gifted in storytelling; to my delight.

But love didn't happen before drama occurred.

The course we were previously on took a swerve.

He had a habit of taking the easy path.

He didn't like inconvenience or aftermath.

Things that stressed him out he just quit.

We had some differing views on things which we admit.

Neither of us was all that concerned.

Until life goals and decisions were learned.

When the going got tough, he just got going.

Where I kept pushing onward and chose to keep growing.

I wondered if he would complete his great novels.

I loved hearing his ideas, and I thought him more creative than I was.

Instead, he just sat around and kept stewing.

He kept smoking and drinking, and more importantly not doing.

He was so talented, so smart, and so bright.

Why did he give things up so easily without a fight?

He gave me up too not once, but even twice.

That sort of relationship wasn't worth the price.

I needed commitment not the on and off.

I needed someone to be there when the going got tough.

I wanted to be there for someone like that too, so before long our relationship was through.

Was it him I wanted?

No, that commitment won't do.

Feeling heartbroken, I have to confess.

Shortly after our second breakup, I was quite a mess.

I knew it was over.

There was no going back.

Even when he changed his mind, and wanted me to crack.

What I didn't realize or totally ignored,

Was that not getting completely over him could cause me to go overboard.

Ignoring this fact, I jumped in headfirst.

When, I ran into a devil and curse.

I had never heard of a rebound before, but sure enough that's what opened my door.

The boy was toxic, manipulative, and plain evil.

But when I met him, I didn't know he was deceitful.

Sure, it had been six months or more

Since my heartbreak with my ex and I thought for sure

I was over that breakup, that ending, that split,

But it turns out; I wasn't ready for this shit.

When a cute geeky boy asked for my number.

I gave it to him which was a definite blunder.

He corrupted my hard drive like he corrupted my life

In hopes I'd never be away from his strife.

He loved the game of predator and prey

He enjoyed chasing me when I tried to run away

He tracked me incessantly, even years after.

Between marks on my body, assaults, and disaster

My mental health was a wreck

My life was in shambles.

My family and friends claimed my brain had been scrambled.

So I started rebuilding the ashes and ruin.

And low and behold came my evolution.

Was it him I wanted?

Most assuredly not;

In my mind he will always be a symbol of venom and rot.

Despite all this carnage, there was a revolution.

I learned the type of relationship I wanted, and would find my solution.

When finally I decided to take a chance.

I found the true love of my romance.

I saw him from the corner of my desk;

A young man who always kept his attention in check.

A sweet and smart blonde boy, quiet, but kind.

With a patient presence I considered hard to find.

When I saw him, I noted his features and behaviors.

I knew I would have to revisit him later

Not until I have defined

My sense of self and established my worth.

I must work steadfastly for my rebirth.

I kept seeing this fellow in my class discussion posts.

Always commenting on my points and debating my notes.

Soon enough, we'd even work together.

I knew with him I'd have to be clever.

I'd make my move at the appropriate junction.

That happened to be at an outside workplace function.

He had silver dollar dimples, and a shy smile.

I was a sucker for those and my feelings did rile.

The deeper we carried in conversation

The less my heart required my mind's persuasion

Were we brought together by love or by force?

Does it even matter love's origin or source?

We made our commitment to each other.

After ten years together we still love one another.

We fit perfectly inside and out.

We help each other in immeasurable amount.

I remember our first kiss, though it was fleeting.

The rush of it left my heart passionately beating.

I knew in an instant he wasn't like the others.

I knew he would always have me covered.

Our romance was sweet, I flirted with him.

I was the pursuer, which made he and I grin.

He was a tough one to catch

This true love of mine

I can only thank the heavens or beings divine.

I never knew how much I wanted him.

And I find that I want him always, all over again.

It was you I wanted.