Unwarranted Shame

I wonder if it’d be easier if I cried rainbows

But instead I cry and the blackness from my mascara streams down my face

Like if shame had a color.

I stood across from my mother age 19 and tried to explain why I am crying without giving away my secret that I have kept tucked away since I was a tween

Then suddenly “Because I like her!” came out

I don’t think it sunk in quite like my eyes did when I was starving from an eating disorder

And to be honest it’s four years later, I have dated girls, and I still don’t think she believes it.

“I’m bi!” I shouted just the other day

“Are you even sure?” My mom questioned.

I am open about my sexuality but I still have to wonder:

If I cried rainbow tears would that make it more clear?

I am not straight and I hope some day that the weight of shame will be lifted

And I will be accepted

Not having to wonder if it’d make life easier for those around me if I could cry pretty rainbows to let them all know who I really am instead of making them wonder