Trainwreck

I don’t want to stand here and watch you

rip yourself apart,

But if I leave, I know

You’ll only break faster.

What’s worse about watching a trainwreck?

Seeing it happen, or knowing you can’t

turn away?

I want to run away.

I want to run far away because I can feel your every pain when

You show me your hurts,

and I don’t want to anymore.

I don’t want to worry every waking

moment that I’ll lose you if I step away for two seconds to

breathe on my own.

I want to enjoy your presence instead of planning

on how to mother you

I want to be relaxed and real,

Instead of being ever-watchful for

A single sign of further

deterioration.

But if I leave.

If I leave, that knife in your back would be

The last straw

Am I the only one who sees how fragile you are?

Your own mother seems to pretend

nothing’s wrong.

You are not okay.

And it’s almost like you’re okay with that.

Is this suffering a security?

Because you seem content in stagnation.

You’re not putting in the effort to change.

There are no true attempts to get better.

You’re half-heartedly playing along to make everyone,

even yourself,

Feel better.

You are playing dress-up of your own life.

I can’t stay and watch you break yourself into pieces.

I can’t leave because that will break you even faster.

You’re hurting me by hurting yourself.

Funny how the things we love can inflict the sharpest wounds.

Please, please, please wake up.

Look at yourself.

You circle may be small

but we are the ones most affected.

I have enough on my plate without choking on concern

every time we talk

I can’t take this anymore. If I walk away,

I need you to know

it’s because I love you too much to see you this way.

But I stay for the same reason.

I don’t want your destruction on my conscience.

Is that what a friend does?

I don’t know anymore.

I stay and watch the trainwreck

Because it’s all I can do.