To My Old Best Friends

To the assassins disguised as school girls

To my old best friends

You did the absolute fucking definition of kicking me when i was down

I remember standing on that balcony thinking that if i jumped nobody would care

That was because of you

The worst thing possible happened to me at least i thought

And as i cried on the bed filled with pain

You sat in silence or walked out onto that balcony

the one where i considered ending my life

And you would laugh as you told others about me on the phone

Where was your humanity?

Where was our friendship?

I thought six years meant something

And i mean it did to me i guess

You were the first people to break my heart

Who would’ve thought

Your best friends are meant to help you through heartbreak

Not be the ones to cause it

I still can see the coldness in your eyes as i showed you what he did to me

The bruises that didn’t make you shudder with disgust

And even now i think of you

I wonder why you decided to be so cruel

Sometimes i try to answer why you did what you did

But a part of me thinks you don’t even know the reason why

All i needed was support and instead you gave me isolation

I wonder if you’ll ever see this

If you’ll realise these words are about you

If you realise the pain you caused me

If you feel any remorse

You showed me what a friend should not be

You taught me about the cruelness in people

I was being buried alive

With the hands i thought would help me out

Throwing dirt on my casket

Your laughter as my funeral song

With this i try to let you go

Although regardless of how you treated me

I still love you and hope you are doing well

I still think about you and what you are doing with your lives

I forgive you for what you did to me

But i can’t forget all those tears

I can’t forget how alone you made me feel

Your actions have followed me

With each friendship i make holding them at arms length

Even the friendships i already had

I took a step back

Because if anything you taught me

That no matter how long or how close a friend

For any reason or no reason at all

They could switch off their love for you

Or never have it in the first place