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To Be a Fish

...With High Functioning Depression

By Marisol LunaPublished 6 years ago 1 min read
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Having high functioning depression

Is like walking around

With your head in a fish bowl

And I have perfected the illusion

Of being a fish.

When I try to explain to people

That the bubbles in my bowl

Are the results of my

Gasping for oxygen that's just

Out of my reach,

They scratch their heads

In wonder and ask why

I don't just use my gills.

"Well you've always just

Used your gills," they say.

But my gills are a well stage facade

Put in place years ago

By straight A's and happy smiles.

They call me the life of the party

An enthusiastic extrovert

The highest of optimists.

I'm the one who's always okay.

I'm involved on my campus

I hold down a part time job

And pretty decent grades.

These kinds of things

Are not generally taught as

Symptoms of depression

No, these things are the

Side effects of my depression.

I have done my best

To throw everything

That my depression gave me

Right back at it.

Sometimes it's so hard

Just to get out of bed

But then I remember

That I get to go to

My job that helps women

Feel good about themselves.

Sometimes the tears just won't come

Because I'm just so damn numb

And all I can do is just stare at my thumbs

But then I remember

I get to help lead an organization

That helps people like me

Feel welcome regardless of their mental health.

Sometimes I want to

Open myself up again

Just to make sure

Blood still runs through my veins

But then I remember

That one day I will

Protect those who can't

Protect themselves, and my

Body is important enough

To keep out of harm's way.

Sometimes I'll get in my car

And drive as fast as I can

Destination — left lane

But then I remember

That one day I will change the world

Of a small child

Just searching for a home.

So when I tell you

That my gills are just props

Please believe me.

Please believe that

My struggles and battles

Are just as valid

As anyone else's

Regardless of how I may seem

To the naked eye.

High functioning depression

May have made me into a fish

But it forgot one thing:

A shark is a fish too.

sad poetry
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About the Creator

Marisol Luna

I am a 19 year old criminal justice student in the state of Michigan. I am an avid poet and enjoy expressing my opinions on all sorts of platforms. If you're into Meyer Briggs, I'm an ENTP, so if you're looking for a debate I'm your girl.

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