this is what it feels like

another long night

my efforts to bury the memory of you

coming home the next morning

bare feet on the pavement, the grass and dew

open the gate, fix my hair

step on a rock or two

walk up my stairs

it’s empty, no one will have a clue

what i’ve done

to try to bury the memory of you

enter my room

finally release

take off the costume i wore

it’s like routine, i aim to please

pick out something pure, an untouched canvas

what i wish i could be

spill my black paint

a drop lands at my feet

turn the music up and ignore all my calls

“your body is your home”

well, i am as empty as these halls

you say it shouldn’t be a norm

to want a drink at 10:30

but my nights never end

they bleed into mornings

and when i decide to try for sleep

the thoughts begin to creep

anxiously from background

no music will smother that sound

as if they’ve waited patiently for me

for when my defenses are down

this is what it feels like

but you have no clue

how hard i try to drown

all these memories of you

-g.m.t.