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The storm. Take a Xanax and enjoy some T

by Ashley Cox 2 years ago in performance poetry
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The eye of the storm.

Today was the day I felt it was best.

To jump back on a flight before my body is put to rest.

New Year’s Day was probably The turning point, from how a guy made me feel, I fell straight to disappoint.

In a bathhouse lonely and willing, “I’ll stop this” a phrase Thats got me over killing.

A cocktail of uppers and a mixture of downers. Rushed to the emergency room from my sexcepade encounters.

Chest pains are nothing serious right ? I mean 180 beats per minute, my body’s putting up a fucking good fight.

I guess you could say I’ve given up trying to settle here. Realising this drug is all I’ve actually got here.

My friends back home check in on a regular, my friends here I relapse with, this is completely irregular.

I can’t stop all contact because we connect on the same level. We know we want to give up but tina, she’s the mother fucking devil.

But it’s not just tina that had me at knees, adding it with a dangerous downer had me feeling unease.

T became the best part of me, but Counting on xanax to get through life easily.

The biggest mistake I’ve made is telling the truth about my addiction.

Costing me my jobs, my confidence as it’s in there prediction;

That maybe I’ll use at work or come to work high, so before I show how good I am they say bye bye.

I challenge society in being open about using. To make it normal to talk about the substances I’m abusing.

I walked out of a job because I knew it wasn’t for me. No longer in health or hair , a future here I couldn’t see.

I wanna stay, I wanted to make it work, getting sober here is like watching an out of control firework.

But the emotional rollercoaster trying to start a new life, date a new guy and I’m constantly rolling the dice.

I know where my dealers live, I even know their buzzer. I’ll always have some on me because I can’t get enough of my mother fucking upper.

I’m out of control and I can’t do this alone. Look out for my next poem, hopefully next time I’ll have reached a stronger milestone.

performance poetry

About the author

Ashley Cox

Writer.

Poetry mainly about my struggle with addiction, relapse and the ongoing journey through recovery.

But also exploring the depth of Erotic poetry, passion, Love and travel.

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