The past

The past

Lately I’ve become reunited with it. When you go through painful things that happened in your past that you can’t control does it eat you up inside…..

The slow and steady past when it comes to haunt you at times when you’re feeling down. You feel as if your drowning in it…

I feel like I am a nothing,a dark lonely soul that put its walls up so high I just can’t break it down. I build and build this wall oh so tall but somehow I won’t let it down…

My past is my past…..

my past has made me stronger,like a brick wall that’s glued to the cement and won’t move….. like super glue string lasting……

It’s only when I feel extremely sensitive do the walls shake a bit. Like thunder and lightning but the lightning has just struck me and I feel shaky and queasy inside…..

Only when it makes me feel like I can’t escape from it…….it effects me in ways where I start to crumble like a piece of cake which then makes my stomach spin like I’ve been stuck in this damn tornado of a wind…. I feel as if I dissociate like I’m a ghost. No body sees me nor acknowledges me…..

Stuck in my head here I am I feel like a ghost, my body is aching I genuinely feel as if I can’t talk anymore my loneliness eats up my words to the point where I feel the need to stutter…..

When people talk about a past it makes me wish I can run from my own life, i run and run until I can’t but little do I know I’m running in my own place…. It’s as if I’m running but my body won’t budge,nudge or move…..

I feel I am strong at times but once the water comes into those cracks my wall breaks open just so I can build it up even higher……

God,

Can’t you see me trembling, can’t you see me turn white out of my anxiety, out of my depression? My body is shaking and I feel as if my walls are rattling……

Before the storm comes to flood my head please let me just head to bed……

Head to bed I go but that doesn’t help much I feel as if my lungs are drenched in sorrow,my head is spinning. You might as well throw this spinning football so high till it lands in a different country which is where I’ll stay….

I’ll stay here in my little cave I built. Where no one can find me,haunt me,or hurt me.

Nothing but the calm ocean I see I sit down by the ocean and see my reflection from below….

A girl who has tears streaming down her face I see as it drips into the water rippling from below. I feel as if my breaths are slow and steady…. Crying takes everything out of me.

The ocean is nice and calm with the birds chirping,the water is rippling,and my hands buried in the sand…..

Here is where I feel calm and serenity please don’t take me out of this place. This is where I’m meant to stay and be.

Oh so calm and peaceful this place is,I feel as if I can close my eyes and feel the sun shine through my eyes…. So warm and bright I stay here until oh no it starts to pour…..

Wow I wake up so much for a damn dream I wake up hungover as can be…..