The Longest Week

A compulsion to write this

The grief fills me and I need to make space

Write it away

Push out the pain and let light back in

Is it too soon to move on?

I feel guilty for wanting to, when so many cannot

Shock came first and I felt empty

Then the anger and sadness, which lingers still

I want to fill myself with peace again

My rightful place

My natural state

With the tears and confusion

I lost myself to grieve

It wasn't me

Unfocused, distracted, undisciplined

This week has been a write-off

I also felt so proud

So much pride for my chosen land

So far away, I felt disconnected

I resented that

Mass grief I couldn't be part of

No-one here understood

I felt alone in my grief

(But it is not about me)

Every news story of the lost

The hakas and the speeches

Made me sob

"Hello brother"

Broke me

Every message of unity

Hurt my heart, every time

I want to try to heal that

I need to try

Overwise it will overwhelm me

And then 'he' would have won

I will never forget

This has changed me forever

I pray for harmony

I stand for that

Even more than before

No longer passive and silent

My voice will be heard

Strong and clear

There is no room for hate

I will make sure of that

My faith is powerful

My heart full of love

I share it with you

My Brothers and Sisters

One Love