The Legend of Tweaker Tim

There once was a wild man elusive as can be

From drones and headlights and a person shaped tree

He saw flashlights and heard footsteps deep in the woods

His vocabulary filled with coulda-beens and shoulds

By now I think he's breaking (or wrecking) car number seven

Or spending everyone else's dime at 7-eleven

Tweaking and gambling and driving like a bat outta hell

Rummaging and collecting anything he thinks he can sell

He has Toyota parts, PVC and various fishing tackle

Squeegees and tile and buckets of Spackle

He has stacks of receipts from Home Depot and Lowe's

He will snatch from any job site with his sticky fingers and toes

Banned from making those lucrative retail returns

But if you've got an ID you'll get a cut from what he earns

Trust me when I warn you not to get in his car

You'll go rolling down the highway if your door is ajar

Fasten your seatbelt or you'll surely find your chest

Nestled up closely to the back of his headrest

Even if the chance of an actual cop behind him is slim

A turn on two wheels is nothing rare for him

To go to a safe place means the woods or a convenience store

Pray its FasMart 'cause in the forest you'll be stuck for sure

Smacking buttons and trees must be his therapy

Because its been the focus of all his trips with me

He's won seven hundred dollars, finally a successful trip

Until he bets it all away instead of printing the pay slip

Another short-term loan he'll convince me to lend

For a payout never paid from the wagering video vend

The money I must have to fund my own financial needs

Is always spent on his gas or other frivolous deeds

So when you meet this man talking a big grand game

Steer clear of his slick-talking because it always ends same

A trip around the block will never take less than two days

But every time you'll be sucked into his nonsensical ways

Believe it when I tell you not to trust his good intentions

There's always some fuckery requiring time-consuming inventions

What will it be this time? Six part jumper cables?

Or maybe radiator parts from three different Mercury Sables?

But none of that will be needed before two runs to the gas station

At 4:00 AM...in November...with toes void of sensation

Yes, I said TWO runs because crossing the swamp burned the first can full

Which was paid for in mostly pennies, at least a handful

So don't say I didn't warn you. Don’t go anywhere with him!

Because I have carefully chronicled for you the legend of Tweaker Tim