The Evolution of a Durable Woman

At 9pm on a casual Sunday; I sobbed and choked on angry tears and latent memories.

Healing for what feels like a thousand eternities is a different kind of loneliness bites at you in the dark, ravaging your soul and leaving you with only the smallest hint of meat on your bones while the jury sits idly by, challenging the gravity and depth of your worth. But we learn independently. We lean in. Bravely working and rebuilding with each exhale.

When the curtains close, when they yell “last call”, when the highway is drenched in intermittent golden light and desperate screams at the windshield – you’ll come to find there’s no one here but you. Nothing left but the gentle hum of the engine and the intrusive dips and curves of the road. This is your hallowed ground.

And the people who vowed to champion you? The pious warriors, the wisdom-filled leaders – they silently shifted from the passenger seat, further into the shadows, and now only exist within intangible dreams and parallel universes. Not everyone inhales self-awareness and breathes light. Not everyone loves loud.

So you cry hot, indignant tears at 9pm on a casual Sunday while elbow deep in dirty dishes and damaging remembrances. A heavy posture to hold when you’re the only one holding it all.

You cry out in vain. Why. When. How.

Then you collapse into fresh cotton sheets, aching for stability - angry confusion resting in one hand and delicate hope in the other. You nurse them both. You love them equally. Grit and goodness clashing in one holy, humble, co-existing breath. The pain is momentary but the courage is finite.

A chorus, an ensemble, oh, the gentle purr of hazy and hushed ever-changing narratives. The all-encompassing evolution of a durable woman. Of her emotional fortitude and unmatched faith.

Keep challenging and bending and holding. Keep saving space for the brilliant women who dare to stand alongside you; coasting and painfully alone, but also bonded in brokenness. Cling to hard truths and grace. Cherish both the deep valleys and sovereign hilltops.

Believe the raging thunder in your voice will cast out demons and enemies. Wash your dishes and cry hot tears. Defy fear with reckless abandon. We are never really alone.

Then raise your hand to your heart and whisper, “I love you.” For she is the wild thing that carries the weight - yet still gives us room to love.