That Goddess Energy Ish

I don’t know how to describe this moment

I just know that it hit me. You never admired me.

I scared you, I challenged you

You didn’t think you could meet the challenge?

You were not adoring of my spirit, you were jealous

You never marveled at my lust, you were envious!

When it suited you to be kind, your words were encouraging

You twisted your bitterness into a sweet cup of wine

And I swallowed eagerly

My vulnerable self the most naked for you to see

Your bearded mask hiding a scared boy

Wanting to wear the shoes of a man.

I may never know

Why the cigarette smoke on your lips intoxicated me

Wanting to wear the lingering taste around my tongue

A noose choking me

I may never know why I never saw the vast sea in your shallow eyes

Or why I tread those pool waters carefully

When I knew my body was created to plunge into the darkest caves of the ocean floor.

From my benevolent youth as a muse

I seal the well of creativity that over the years, I let so many drink

Only to find myself thirsty for the words I helped create

Simply existing as the cure for an old man’s loneliness