Tears and Fears

Is it safe to drive and cry at the same time?

Would a cop stop and ask me to pull over if they see me?

These thoughts run through my head, adding insult to injury

It’s like I can’t ever give myself a break

Even when I’m already down

I’m crying because I’m stopping myself from evolving

Opportunity keeps knocking on my door and I somehow find a new way to lock it

I leave and drive away and then immediately regret it

I could still turn back, right? Wrong, my mascara is running

My eyes are swollen and clearly wet

The saddest thing is that no one is making me cry

It is simply my mind that makes me this sad

I know deep inside me that the opportunities appear because I need them

Yet, somehow, I convince myself that I will mess it up.

I never show up, I never try not even once, yet I am convinced, I will fail

So, I cry, cry in my car, cry in my home

Cry for the past, present and my fearful future if I continue this path

All day long I torture myself

Mentally beating myself up and down for my cowardice

“You’re afraid of life! You’re afraid of the basic life skills a person needs! Why?!”

On and on I go in my head

Outside, no one can tell

People just think maybe I’m reserved or shy

I let them think this because I know I’ll never change