Sub-unconscious battle ⚔️

Hello hello hello (echos X3) anybody there.. there there (echos X3)

Say something! You always have something to say right? SAY SOMETHING! 📢🔊

..except this time there’s silence, just you and the hallow sound of silence.

You, and one million other thoughts..

So many other thoughts, you can’t seem to grasp on to just one.

“What are you thinking about?”

So many things, I don’t even know what I’m thinking about. My brains just rolling doing it’s own thing until it feels like using me to do something else.

Almost like a robot, being controlled by a hard drive created by humans. That says something huh? Maybe our brains are a type of hard drive created or actually being controlled by something else. Complex is an understatement.

You hear it once. You hear you twice, and just in a matter of a second. ⏱

💭“Whats wrong with me”💭

Toxic questions start arising..

💬“I don’t know? What’s wrong with me?”💬 So many things.. I wish I can change this, I wish that was smaller, and this was bigger. Maybe if this was just a bit more symmetrical. Ugh and my skin, my hair, these pimples! It’s all just stress! Maybe if I start stressing less, maybe it’s what I’m eating..

Google search: What foods can help my skin look better?

Google search: Pills that can make me eat more/less.

Google search: Best workouts for a bigger butt.

Google search: Best lip plumpers.

Google search: What’s the most natural way to enhance ...

Google search: Quickest way to make money 💰

I did just get off my period, I’m sure that’s the reason. Oh and quarantine, yeaaa definitely it.

Did I take my birth control today? Ugh these things got my hormones all over the place😞😣

I’ll start Monday! That’s always a good way to start the week; and so you start Monday... continue Tuesday.. thinking about how you gotta do this tomorrow again on Wednesday.

“Stop being so lazy” 🤦🏻‍♀️ “This is why you’ll never change”

Depression creeping up on you, slithering like a snake. Wrapping around your brain and closing in so tightly you’ve given yourself a migraine.

Let me just take a shower and listen to music.. but the thoughts 💭 tssss crazy..

I’m going to sleep... 💤 🛌 I can’t sleep..

*scrolls on instagram and continues to put yourself through the torment your brain has created*

Stop feeding the fire 🔥 😕

You’ve somehow dosed yourself with poison.💉 Except this isn’t the type of poison doctors can just vacuum out. Running an IV won’t do a damn thing. Medication? What they call medication I call killing your self slowly.

Continuing to bring yourself down, comparing yourself to things you view on social media each and every day. Trying to find the perfect excuse to well.. excuse the way you feel.

🗯“But is there really something wrong with me?” This is who I am, it’s how I was born. It’s what makes me uniquely different from any person that stands by me.

“She’s so beautiful I wish ..

Another second passes ⏱

...silence

Except this time, “silence” has been the 💥loudest thing you’ve ever heard.

This time silence is ticking.. silence is mimicking..

mimicking your weakness 🏴‍☠️

🕹Mimicking your every move 👣

Mimicking the very many things that makes you.. you 👤

Another second passes.. ⏱

“Look at yourself.. Look! Just for a second.. look In the mirror! Hurry.. just do it, it’ll only be for a second” ⏱

And so you look...

In that very moment, you start to feel regret. Slowly rising and suffocating everything inside you. Knowing that in just a few hours this wave of negative emotion turns into a tsunami once again 🌊.

That second had just turned to 2 and then 3, 4, 5. Until finally, your able to get a hold of your own thoughts. Trying to find enough control to just walk away. 🧎🏻‍♀️

Silence turned loquacious. It’s become your archenemy 🧿. You’d rather hear a room full of kids screaming. You’d rather feel the anxiety 🫁 of hearing constant sirens 🚨 outside your window🪟. You’d rather hear the same song playing over and over again on a record player 🎶.

Sitting there trying to ignore it, not realizing the amount of control and power you really have over your mind.

You sit there stuck, until it’s trapped you into facilitating your own corruption. 🧨

Thank you society, right? Since that’s what seems to be the foundation of your comparison.

A simple form of time measurement.. and now your demented 🪦

That 3 pound, large pinkish most complex organ 🧠 sitting in a throne 👑 has become the most dangerous, incendiary device in the world 🌍 🌎