Static

If you would have told a 5-year-old me

That she’d be dealing with anxiety.

She probably would’ve furrowed

Her brows intensely.

If you would have told a 10-year-old me

That she’d be dealing with depression,

She probably would’ve ignored you

Rolling her eyes at the your hesitation.

If you would have told a 15-year-old me

That she’d be feeling the static soon,

She would’ve laughed at thought

Because her mood was over the moon.

But 20-year-old me, she had a feeling.

Something was changing

Because the static was growing.

At 21 she felt the bugs crawling under her

Skin, feet tapping, hands fidgeting.

At 22 she was crying.

At everything.

Everything.

At 23 she felt her heart racing

All the time.

At 24, the fear and confusion burned

In her throat. What was happening to her?

By 25, she learned that maybe she wasn’t crazy.

Though a chemical imbalance in the brain

Can make you feel insane.

The doc gave her some medicine,

to help balance out what her body was missing.

After her family kept insisting

After all the panic attacks

After all the dreamless sleeps.

And after all the joyous lack.

She finally had her answer.

Anxiety and depression.

A constant static buzzing within her.