Spring greetings

I have to start writing again eventually

Maybe I’ll try to make it more aesthetically pleasing

Something about computer screens makes me hate my work

Not really hate it. But

I don’t know

My therapist gave me something called the gaslighting workbook

To try to learn how to trust myself again

I haven’t started it

I’m worried I’ve lied to him and convinced him that I was the victim when really I’m the one that keeps going around causing problems for everyone

But I’m trying to remember to stop after the words

“I’m worried”

Sometimes I feel stuck in here. Since lockdown, I’ve been locked down.

Not ideal for mental health or stability.

Caffeine makes me sweaty why do I keep drinking it

Makes the anxiety worse, too

The lowkey daily paranoia has become too major a part of my life

Time to cut back

There’s some herb that’s supposed to make the process slightly less shitty

I keep thinking drinking caffeine is self-harm

For someone who has what I have

If you haven’t looked into ADHD in girls and women, now is the time

*aside from medical themes, I will not use gendered language in my writing. Please someone hold me accountable

But IF I’m going to call myself a writer, I suppose I’d better start writing

One of my previous mentors noticed I was a big writer, but that was only a few weeks out of the year (and it was 5 years ago). She was right though, I really fly when I start getting words out.

I don’t like talking anymore. I never liked it before, but everyone thought it was weird so I became a talker. But talking makes me weird. Just let me write

Here’s the pathetic thing: I started questioning myself more when my stupid account got banned. I didn’t realize how much I appreciated the validation of thousands of strangers. That’s unhealthy.

But I made another account, this time I’m going to use it for this (reading writing)

I hope I can re-find all the awesome mutuals I had

I submitted an appeal but it was a stupid mistake, my bad

Musicians, thinkers, spiritualists, mentally ill baddies, witchtok, leftists

Sending my love to all artists

My hair is different from when I had the old account. Xox