Something is Wrong with the Lobsters

In my research this past week

I noticed something odd and bleak

Bad news for the animal kingdom

I’m panicked inside, though I might appear calm

Many lobsters off the coast of Cali

Freed themselves biologically

No longer serving their animalistic wills

They now seem to live life for the thrills

Once monogamous, now unfaithful

For these discoveries, I’m not so grateful

At least they’re progressing in social realms

All the lobsters are captains at their individual helms

I watched more than one lobster abandon its home

Seeking mates in every reef, the high seas they did roam

Every mate encountered was used up, chewed up, and spit out

Lobster fathers no longer stick around

Not only are the lobsters cheaters

They’ve become more than bottom feeders

A strange seaweed is a new favorite cuisine

Though the after-effects make me queasy

Each female lobster that acted promiscuously

Tore into the strange seaweed viciously

The eggs on her underside would fall off and die

She wouldn’t stop to watch, or even wave goodbye

The lobsters who hadn’t mated acted strangely, too

They opted for the seaweed instead of healthy food

Then they’d lie around for hours, float aimlessly

Many became snacks for other creatures of the sea

That seaweed had such an odd effect

I can’t understand the desired defect

Of destroying the generation that is to come

In favor of laying around uselessly, what bums!

When brought into the lab after taking a sample

The lobsters that ate the seaweed had troubles ample

No desire to breed, care for young, or even live

It shut down their brains, left no cares to give

I experimented and studied their tiny brainwaves

To learn their motivations, and what secrets they gave!

The behavior was learned by observation

Of the behaviors of another unruly crustacean

The first one decided to change all the rules

To go against its nature, to view other lobsters as tools

To aid in its search for ultimate pleasure

Sexual gratification was its most precious treasure

So when it finished with one partner, it moved along

Found another one, finished, and like the chorus of a song

Kept going on repeat until the end of its life

The horror struck me like the blade of a knife

Right in the heart, what a predicament

The readings were unbelievable on my instrument

The lobster population is in great decline

Because the species is acting all out of line

They aren’t stupid, they know fully well what they do

They’re killing their roe because they think they can choose

Caring for young impedes their ability

To wade in the shallows all day, as is their new proclivity

Their numbers are dropping, affecting the ecosystem

Though the seafood stores are the ones who will most miss them

The ocean is unbalanced because of the shellfish

Who kill their young to have fun, they’re entirely selfish.