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Social Status: Chameleon

Now you see me...

By Mary KnutsonPublished 12 months ago 3 min read
Social Status: Chameleon
Photo by Hasmik Ghazaryan Olson on Unsplash

I tried to think of a moment when I was most myself but couldn't think of just one, then finally realized why. I am a chameleon. My skin is pale and my eyes are plain, I make myself visible by changing out my armor.

Some days, my armor is a tee-shirt with ripped skinny jeans and converse, others it may be a red, floor-length ball gown I chose to wear to class. Some days I wear a Pirate look while others still I rock what I have deemed "hobo chic." Every variation is still me and is still a part of me. I shift form adjust to stand out or hide, entirely at will.

I tell people that I can turn myself visible and invisible as I please and no one seems to believe me...until they see it. When dressed in a ball gown, I turned heads all day and never once opened a door for myself. Had I made the call people would have answered, ready to battle at my command. When I dress in a plain shirt with jeans and converse, I can weave through a crowd and never have to say a word all day because not a single person sees me. I exist at the edge of your sight and you will only ever see me if I allow it.

I can make heads turn or I can exist in a way that no one knows I'm there. People forget my entire existence because I deem it to be so.

I do not exist on your plain nor do I exist by societal rules meant to confine me. I am most myself when people let me exist as I am, when people don't try to pull me out of my shell or shove me into a box.

Society told me as a child "This is your box. See? It says, Quiet Girl or Strong Woman." I took the box and refolded it, then colored the sides and made a spaceship to fly away. They brought me back to Earth and said "These are your choices, one or the other." Then, I looked upon a world that told me what I could be and stared into its eyes, unafraid of their deemed "weapons" and "wrongdoings." I stared into the world as only a child can said "No." I set the box on fire and have been redefining my own version of "self" ever since. Some days that is fey ears and greenery in my hair, others its cloaks and tiaras or boots with a sweater.

The world told me as an adult that I'd have to change if I wanted to fit in. So I said "Okay" and now change from moment to moment leaving the world with no hope of keeping up. I don't change (entirely) out of spite. I change because it's who I am and who I have made myself to be. I decided that if someone needed a person who fit the "quiet and more reserved role" it would be me but also if they needed someone "energetic and lively" I could also be there.

Different types of people are needed for different things. With the kids I nanny, I'm crazy and loving and wild. But with some of the kids I would tutor, I'd be quiet and soft-spoken, always ready to listen. However, this does not make me two-faced for one very simple reason: both are me. I am always true to myself and exist to bring joy and love.

If I am helping and bringing joy and light into the world, then I am myself.

fact or fiction

About the Creator

Mary Knutson

Mary has been writing for as long as she can remember. With a degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing, she works to push the limits of what writing and do. Her dream is to become a full-time novelist and literature enthusiast.

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