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#smalltalk

a poem

#smalltalk
Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash

I walk a microscopic line between

numb and feeling

never fine,

which way does the tree bend

if an earthquake happens?

It's better to break then relish in the fact that pain just happens, shit just happens. People like to ask about your day from habit, but let's forget the small talk. Ask me something meaningful, ill only point to where it hurts the most - sorry some things can't be said some things are better off left for dead. So I just write it all down cause that's better than stuck in my head. Some days I can't tell if I'm writing because I'm alive or if my writing keeps me alive. Some days I'm not sure it matters. Some days I feel like death is calling me other days I wake up and feel like death is watching me. Perhaps its cosmic mockery cause my breathings yet to fail Which way does the tree fall if we chop from the top down? Which way does the heart break when you said 'i love you' but i ran out of things to say? Some days I worry, but most days I'm a mess, which is still better than a wreck. So just point to the answers and I will follow you. Point to your pain and you won't have to stand in this lonely lonely rain alone. I've tried running away the problems really I'm still everywhere I go. I've tried kissing silence but your voice has taken my tongue, for even less than a picture of you smiling. I've tried drying tears in the doorways that I'm too afraid to close. But every reflection is another chapter that I've built cities around you in and I'm always lost when I wake up. I know I've kept you under a cloud I don't want to feel, but I'm rebuilding every bridge I've ever crossed just to forget you. though,honestly darling you've been doing more than crossing my mind, you've built a home there, and every time I see the sun I know that to love you again is to forgive myself. to hold you again is to delete every calculation of the wrong words against the bruising of my thoughts. I've been peeling off more memories than reaching in for love, I've been fragrancing the next turn because these rolling stalemates have left the taste of salt in my mouth. I touched you once and I've never wanted to stop since, but the seasons slept in someone else's eyes and I just know I need someone to love me like I love me first. I slur all of my words, and I never say the right ones anyway. ill cause more pain, i am always wrong anyway. I could have done this like that, I could have been there for once. I should have been there for this. I could have been the one maybe if I was the only one - love hurts so fucking much sometimes. most the time. I don't know which is worse; knowing that we could of worked or knowing that you didn't try. so these days when you ask i say i haven't thought of it in months, i lost some hats and a glove when I moved that I miss about as muchStart writing...

heartbreak
J. DeTalente
J. DeTalente
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