I feel like I don’t belong.


The state of the world depresses me, it makes me not want to be part of it anymore. I seek something more, somewhere else.

I know I have no control, but I just can’t sit by and watch anymore. It’s as if being alive makes me part of it and I no longer want to take that responsibility.

Racial and religious attacks, hate, war, hideous acts of violence and rape, and animals being beaten and mistreated for our food.

Children are starving, and we sit back and watch. We waste millions of tons of food every day—where is the equality in that?

Refugee girls are being raped and we let it happen—the people in power won’t step in if there is no oil to save!

We have produced so much plastic waste it is destroying our planet. Banning straws is not going to save us now for fucks sake!

We have cut down rainforests in the name of profit but make beautiful and precious animals homeless.

We kill animals for sport—that one I just don’t get. There are no words.

People are selfish and don’t care if it doesn’t directly affect them. They live their lives in ignorance and think material things make them happy. Watching TV is a pleasure, but they have forgotten what living really is.

People are greedy and never satisfied with what they have and then are so ungrateful—they want more, they think they deserve more. Having shelter and food is no longer enough.

I think about our so called leaders and how they are meant to make decisions for the good of us all, but again, it's about their own selfish needs and greed.

It affects me—all of it. I feel the pain and distress and am powerless to help. Believe me I try, but the struggle is real and it wears me down.

It is all too distressing, every day there is more, and I am finding it hard to cope.

I feel there is a mismatch and I don’t belong here. It is cruel and ugly, and I don’t want to be part of it anymore.

I seek something else, somewhere else.

In my world there is peace and love and harmony. People share and help each other and are positive and grateful. Maybe that is heaven and I have faint memories of being there?

Even my close friends and family are guilty of this despicable behaviour, and that saddens me even more. They are so brainwashed they don’t even know it. So judgmental too.

So much corruption too in the world—pharmaceutical companies and their drugs for starters. The media outlets too who share the lies and spread untruths. They disgust me, literally make me physically sick.

How can they make alcohol legal and marijuana illegal, it’s all upside down and doesn’t make sense? Alcohol kills people and creates so many problems in society but if you smoke a beautiful herb that gives you a sense of peace you will go to jail. Honestly?

In the words of Rumi: "I am sure I belong somewhere else and I intend to find it."

social commentary
Read next: I Am A Bullet.
Jane Smith

I write my feelings, my secrets, my distress and my desires.  All my stories are true. I have bipolar disorder so my life is like a thousand lives in one. Writing is therapy for me. I hope you enjoy my stories and poetry.

See all posts by Jane Smith