Second guessing is My Superpower

Intensity builds as I weigh my options,

I’ve always had to second guess every option as if I had nothing left because that’s all I felt I was given.

yet you don’t understand, but you said you do.

they don’t understand but they said they do.

You can’t hear me but God, I wish you did.

I shared my dreams,

I gave my truth,

Instead of a lie to hide.

I gave my all just to feel as if the ground is shaking from under me.

I have cried,

I have mourned,

I have begged and I have yelled.

You blamed me for my anger as if it was abrupt or random.

You blamed me for not being as strong as she was yours and then some.

Well, here I am, this is me.

This is me now.

This is my all.

This is it.

This is my final decision.

In my mind before I speak to yours.

It’s not yours to have anymore.

I am tired,

I can’t breathe,

My heart is being squeezed.

When yours doesn’t seem to be seen.

It doesn’t feel like it’s in my hand.

Maybe it’s still hers or belongs to someone else

More worthy for your taste.

More of your choice.

I’m sorry it’s not me.

I can’t believe the half-truth and the half lies.

Those are two different things that can’t collide.

Yet I enjoy the idea of pretending it could be.

Yet I’ll be lying if I say it doesn’t feel lonely,

Knowing what I feel,

Will forever be on paper.

But never fully in the eye to see.

Or in the eyes to read.

But why can’t you see I’ve tried?

I’ve tried to be right.

To be gorgeous.

To be less fright.

yet you don’t see me.

you barely even understand me,

From my hair down to my feet.

You just like every other made me feel like I was weak.

I feel weak.

I feel like I should scream.

every day I’m thrown in different directions.

By you,

By them,

By every mouth the whispers my name.

people make it seem like it’s my fault,

It’s me.

Then I believe.

I believe in the epitome that’s been brought to me.

because I believed you, I believed her, I believed them.

look where it got me.

You’re up and I’m down.

I’m confused, while everyone is right.

I’m afraid while everyone is brave.

I’m just the girl who supposed to help around

Who listens to love songs to block out her own thoughts.

So, second guessing is my nature for everything that’s been thrown on my side.

You can call it a super power because I need it from time to time.