Rift

I'm sifting through sand

Sinking in the rift I can't mend

We haven't even ended it yet

It feels like you've already left

I should've known we were too good to last

"I'm sorry for bothering you, but I need to talk. I have a lot on my chest right now. It feels like...there are stones in my lungs and windpipe. I-I can't breathe."

I keep winding back the clock

To when I helped you with your combination lock

Finally, I've found somebody

Who will hold my scars gently

I braided your hair in a stairwell

You told me you'd assassinate her Majesty so you could burn with me in hell

"Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Do I annoy you? I just miss hanging out with you. Being around you just made me forget all of my problems. You made me so much happier and I miss that. I miss that so much."

You filled me with laughter

Kept me from falling asleep in the water

When the blood that should have been thicker

Left me to drown

You lifted me from the depths

We sailed for the sun

It's not your fault you're busy

So am I

Only I keep on making plans

Making time

Then you tell me last minute

That you can't make it

"I feel like you don't care about me anymore, which is stupid, because just because you canceled one of our plans doesn't mean you don't care about me, but my mind is going off the rails. I always knew I had trust issues, but I didn't know they were this bad."

At least you would give me an answer

I didn't even get a response from the others

They said they were here for me,

How come if I don't make the first move, we don't even speak?

"I hate that about myself. How I cry over the littlest things. I mean, for goodness' sake. Why can't I get over it? I'm eighteen."

I know I'm hanging onto a shadow

But I’m on the edge, is that why I can’t let go?

I don't want to fall off again

I thought I'd healed, but now I'm newly broken

"It's funny, when people turn eighteen it's supposed to be a huge celebration, but I feel like I've just lost my childhood. I lost my grandpa. I lost my grandma. I lost my family friend to the same thoughts I deal with every day. If I lose you, I might do something dangerous and that scares me. I don't want to hurt myself again. I don't want to go back there again."

I believed you could heal my sutures

Maybe I shouldn’t have even bothered

If I knew you'd only reopen the wound

I would've never let the walls down for you

The womb told me friends always leave

Am I a fool to trust the covenant more than my family?

After all, part of growing up is

Growing apart

It’s that simple

Doesn’t make it any less difficult

Life is an earthquake

And we're on different tectonic plates

Some breakups aren't romantic

They'll still make your chest ache

I'm reaching out

You keep drifting away and away

And I lie to myself: "We'll be okay, I'll be okay."

Then suddenly, you say, "I'm not drifting apart from u. I'm drifting apart from everyone," and that if you're being honest, you're not okay

You can't do it anymore, that you've lost yourself, lately

So many expectations and no self-recognition

"...I just need to figure out the old me."

I said, "Try to see yourself the way I see you. Because if you didn't ask me for help with your combination lock that day, I wouldn't still be here. I know who you are, and you're the girl who saved my life."

"I think ur giving me too much credit. Seriously, u got better on your own. I was simply there to watch u grow."

And so I stayed, sifting through sand

Sitting in the rift that might mend.

"Take your time and do whatever makes you feel better. I'll be here when you're ready."

We haven't ended it yet.

I've got a feeling that this is going to last.

Someday, I'll have to leave the past in the past.

But not yet.

"Hey Phoebe!!! How r u doing these days? I was wondering if u wanted to meet sometime next week?"I haven't seen u for so long, so I was hoping to catch up with u."

"What time and place?"