Psychosis and Loving You

For as long as I can remember it’s always been loud

Screaming

Shouting

All I hear is insults

All I hear is swearing

Nothing has been inspiring

It has not been uplifting

It scares me

Terrifies

Immobilizes

I can’t hear what everyone says

I miss bits of the conversation

Always having to focus on one person

At one time

Still not hearing everything they say

Then I met you

And for a few seconds

Silence

The voices stopped

Then I could hear the wind

I could hear birds

Those few seconds were bliss.

But the noise came back

The nerves made them worse

There was something different this time

They said nothing about you

The norm is to insult

disrespect

slander the people around me

Alongside that comes the “you’re worthless”

“You’re wasting your time”

“They’re pitying you”

This list goes on

The list gets worse

More abusive

More degrading

But through that I’m happy around you

It’s easier to ignore them

It’s easier not to believe them

They don’t talk about you

Perhaps they like you

And if they like you then this must be love

They the voices are a reflection of my feelings

The voices are what I think

Manifested into something destructive

But if they like you

Then this love for you must be unconditional