Peace

Lying in the dark, staring at the ceiling.

I don’t know if it’s you I miss, or just that feeing.

I can’t stand being alone anymore, but at least right now I can breathe.

You always had to be touching, and really wouldn’t leave me alone for nothing.

Sometimes a girl just needs space. Is that too much to ask?

One night where you aren’t trying to smother me and where I can just be me.

No masks or illusions, no fake smile buying into your delusions.

They always say that girls are the ones to fall the hardest, but I don’t think that’s true. At least not with you.

You say you aren’t being needy and that you just need me. But hey, I don’t want you to need me! Or me to need you!

All you had to do was indulge my independence and maybe I could’ve let you hold me.

Instead I had to duck, twist, turn and just avoid and avoid and avoid.

(Deep Breathe)

I finally catch my breath and start to unwind, then BAM!!

Who just decides that it’s ok, after being asked for some space, to come the door in middle of the night?

I heard you knock knock and the door handle twist.

Thank god I locked it and you couldn’t get in.

And no, I didn’t think it was sweet.

In fact, I couldn’t name a thing more terrifying.

It took weeks and double! Triple! Quadruple! Checking locks before I could even think of drifting off in peace.

And that’s all it started out as, just wanting that single moments peace.

Was that too much to ask?

I feel like it wasn’t.

And yet you keep coming around, just wanting to talk.

And I don’t know how you didn’t get the message, I feel like the look on my face said it all.

Are we done? What the fuck did you think happened?

Why won’t I talk to you? Trust me, it’s a kindness.

Cause the only words I have right now could melt that fragile ego.

And I can still feel you watching me, and your friends pretend like nothing happened, but I can’t.

I don’t know if they are on your side or mine, and living like this is blowing up my mind.

And now I feel so alone, searching the ceiling for an answer that won’t come.

And then it does.

Yeah, I know it’s not you I’m missing, just the feeling.