P A N I C

Being able to struggle with this disorder most of my life,

I want to feel like I am able to speak freely about what my anxiety does to me.

I feel much differently about the word and how it fuels my life.

It is a drug and that is the most basic excuse to ever exist.

Clutching tissues with a clenched fist,

I used to wait in agony waiting to hand in my school exams.

Pretending to wait for someone else to be finished was a painful choice.

The way the panic bubbles inside me is something I despise,

It bothers me looking back.

Even though I have struggled most of my life,

The panic I experience shocks me from time to time.

You are allowed to be afraid of your own mind.

That's what bothers me the most.

From time to time I shock myself with how basic some of my problems are.

I owe it all to my own best friend, anxiety.

The pandemic is a different world of experience.

The word COVID makes me feel itchy.

Right down to the very bones under my skin.

On my worst days, when my anxiety is at its highest peak,

I can barely leave the house.

I can barely even speak those words that seem to bother me most.

And that is the hardest mountain for me to climb.

Walking into a room and feeling the eyes of others makes me feel worse.

The world affects those with anxiety much differently.

The uphill battle is viewed differently by me.

Anxiety forces you to change your thought process.

Your views change when you are shown things that you understand.

Forcing your mind to become still when you can't focus on anything else,

Becomes a painful challenge.

Everyone views their anxiety battles differently.

Mine will forever bother me.