Note to the Self

If I’m guilty of anything it’s having a masochistic mind.

I admit I’m thankful as it is the reason I am whom I’ve become.

My own torture brings the mirror to my face and forces my eyelids open.

I don’t know what I want but my mind knows how to get me there.

I’m teaching myself to invite the pain. It kills me faster when I fight it.

Life is a game and I am so much more than my debts.

I live for those flashes of warm light between preparing for darkness ever looming.

Celebrate triumphs while being mindful of what brought you there.

I was naive when I thought his death was the hardest thing I’d go through.

His last breath cracked open my eyes. He died for my awakening.

If I could go back I’d say “ask for help and ask often.” You have no choice but to trust.

I can’t shake the feeling that I died on the bathroom floor.

It’s cliche but I’m living on borrowed time now.

Let the universe distract you to get you out of your own head.

Listen compassionately to your anxiety simultaneously not letting it rule you.

Not everything needs an ending that will come full circle.

Be addicted to the air you breathe. Be content if your eyes only read this.

Be thankful for language and expression of creativity.

Know when to quit and when things are at their end.

It’s ok if you fail. That just means you’ve succeeded in learning another lesson.

Never stop writing while you have the strength.

Always carry paper and a writing utensil.