Not as Stable as I Thought

You do not get to tell me who to be

It is not up to you; it is up to me

Losing sleep and counting sheep

It is fucking with my sanity

Feeling low, so I get high

Trying to find my peace of mind

And to myself, I must remain true

Your safety and your welcome I knew I outgrew

Your voice in my head just did not belong

You were waving red flags all along

Trying to shape myself to fit your mold

Made it feel like my head would explode

It may have been a house; it may have been a home

But even with you there, I still felt alone

A darkness dimmed and began to shift

An unknown heavy air started to lift

I betrayed myself all to impress

Trapped in a web of failing success

I lost my light; I lost my way

I walked a path that made me sway

I hurt and lied and did things I thought I would not

I made decisions I thought I morally could not

Your sweet empty promises muffled every alarm

Disguised as whispers and undeniable charm

First, I was scared; met you with resistance and persistence

But truth revealed itself thanks to a little distance

It was not all awful, and maybe you cared

Maybe I am just damaged and cannot be repaired

The war that rages on in my mind

Starts to resemble Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Unsure of the answer, unsure of the lesson

Becoming unsure of even the question