Nature or Nurture?
Maybe It's Both- a poem on destruction
I don’t know about you but my mother taught me a lot of shit
And yes that’s past tense for a reason as I’m figuring out how to re-parent myself
See,
My mother taught me about diligence, I mean perfection
Precisely every 2 weeks for exactly 2 hours she did her nails
Nail magic, 2 layers of polish, finished with a top coat
I wasn’t allowed to practice doing nails on hers
I thought that was a normal mother daughter activity
I envied her long beautiful, strong nails and insisted mine were “too bendy” and not as fun to paint
She told me mine could be nice too if I worked for it
My mother taught me about food I mean, eating disorders by showing me how to spit mouthfuls into a napkin discretely
Chew, cover mouth, spit, fold
I told my mother at age 16 I hadn’t been eating breakfast or lunch
After I explained this had been a problem for a while, she told me I wasn’t very good at it insinuating I hadn’t lost much weight
My mother taught me about ownership I mean, playing the victim
Nothing was ever her fault
When something went wrong the blame was put on dad
When I followed suit and have a journal,
I start writing about how mean dad is, suddenly my mother was concerned about abuse that never occurred as if she didn’t teach me my entire life that my father was an awful narcissist
I wonder if she knew what she was doing
I wonder if she was aware of what she was teaching me both directly and by her actions
I guess it doesn’t really matter though because the fact of the matter is it happened but maybe now I get to choose
Diligence instead of perfectionism
Eating instead of Anorexia
And acknowledging what’s right and wrong
About the Creator
Amanda Olejniczak
I am a writer, poet, and proud advocate for mental health. Addtional content I create can be found on Instagram: @amanda_unfiltered or @amanda_unfiltered_poetry.
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