My Name is Pam
And I'm the Mother of an Addict
Hello, my name is Pam and I'm a mother to an addict.
Those words have been hard to say. I wouldn't even let them form in my mind. That sentence burned me like a firebrand. It represents so many thoughts and feelings.
Anger.
Shame.
Despair.
Hope.
Failure.
Grief.
Bitterness.
Hopelessness.
Rage.
Resentment.
Desperation.
Confusion.
Hello, my name is Pam and I'm a mother to an addict.
I tried so many things to avoid accepting those words.
Denial.
Clinging to the hopes and dreams I imagined at her birth.
Begging.
For changes that I wanted but she did not want or could not embrace.
Pleading.
Trying to breath life back into what was and could have been but is wanted by no one but me.
Praying.
For what "I" wanted as an outcome which clearly isn't what is wanted in a life that isn't mine to live.
Demanding.
Trying to put ultimatums in place to steer the situation.
Hello, my name is Pam and I'm a mother to an addict.
Acceptance.
It's all I have left.
It's what I should have had all along.
To recognize that I can only control myself and no other.
That I can love you always
Even when you are not part of my life
Even when you live a life I would not have chosen for you
Even when it hurts to watch you flail and waste your life
Even when I am forced to watch your life drain away
Forcing me to see a husk of you going through the motions.
Making bad choice after bad choice.
I accept that they are your choices to make.
Hello, my name is Pam and I'm a mother to an addict.
Your life is not my stage.
It is yours.
You are you.
I am me.
I cannot live your life for you.
You cannot live your life for me.
Hello, my name is Pam and I'm a mother to an addict.
But I am so much more than a mother to an addict.
I can no longer allow your addiction to define me.
It is time I let go and find myself.
I leave you on your journey.
My life is now about my own journey.
May we both find peace and harmony in our travels.
About the Creator
Pam Reeder
Stifled wordsmith re-embracing my creativity. I like to write stories that tap into raw human emotions.
Author of "Bristow Spirits on Route 66", magazine articles, four books under a pen name, technical writing, stories for my grandkids.
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Expert insights and opinions
Arguments were carefully researched and presented
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Masterful proofreading
Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
Comments (3)
I must have hearted this before comments, but very powerful
Melancholy!!! Courageous!!! Eloquently written!!!❤️❤️💕
Very touching Pam. I completely felt this. Thank you for sharing.