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My Name is Pam

And I'm the Mother of an Addict

By Pam ReederPublished 2 years ago 1 min read
Top Story - May 2022
65
My Name is Pam
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Hello, my name is Pam and I'm a mother to an addict.

Those words have been hard to say. I wouldn't even let them form in my mind. That sentence burned me like a firebrand. It represents so many thoughts and feelings.

Anger.

Shame.

Despair.

Hope.

Failure.

Grief.

Bitterness.

Hopelessness.

Rage.

Resentment.

Desperation.

Confusion.

Hello, my name is Pam and I'm a mother to an addict.

I tried so many things to avoid accepting those words.

Denial.

Clinging to the hopes and dreams I imagined at her birth.

Begging.

For changes that I wanted but she did not want or could not embrace.

Pleading.

Trying to breath life back into what was and could have been but is wanted by no one but me.

Praying.

For what "I" wanted as an outcome which clearly isn't what is wanted in a life that isn't mine to live.

Demanding.

Trying to put ultimatums in place to steer the situation.

Hello, my name is Pam and I'm a mother to an addict.

Acceptance.

It's all I have left.

It's what I should have had all along.

To recognize that I can only control myself and no other.

That I can love you always

Even when you are not part of my life

Even when you live a life I would not have chosen for you

Even when it hurts to watch you flail and waste your life

Even when I am forced to watch your life drain away

Forcing me to see a husk of you going through the motions.

Making bad choice after bad choice.

I accept that they are your choices to make.

Hello, my name is Pam and I'm a mother to an addict.

Your life is not my stage.

It is yours.

You are you.

I am me.

I cannot live your life for you.

You cannot live your life for me.

Hello, my name is Pam and I'm a mother to an addict.

But I am so much more than a mother to an addict.

I can no longer allow your addiction to define me.

It is time I let go and find myself.

I leave you on your journey.

My life is now about my own journey.

May we both find peace and harmony in our travels.

sad poetry
65

About the Creator

Pam Reeder

Stifled wordsmith re-embracing my creativity. I like to write stories that tap into raw human emotions.

Author of "Bristow Spirits on Route 66", magazine articles, four books under a pen name, technical writing, stories for my grandkids.

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  2. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  3. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  1. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  2. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

  3. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  4. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  5. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

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Comments (3)

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  • Mike Singleton - Mikeydred7 months ago

    I must have hearted this before comments, but very powerful

  • Babs Iverson7 months ago

    Melancholy!!! Courageous!!! Eloquently written!!!❤️❤️💕

  • Ashlie Cross2 years ago

    Very touching Pam. I completely felt this. Thank you for sharing.

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