My Journey

Mother is just a word written down in my journal

But here and now I share it with the world

This is the beginning of my journey, I was just a little girl

I craved her love I needed her to understand

Hers was not the only truth

I showed her my wounds , told her of my stolen youth

Still I was to blame she pushed me aside

She chose him and other men for years

Sitting alone, no one heard my pain or saw my tears

Still I felt brave and set a goal , Who needed her - mother was just a word

Content that I would forever be alone

Leaving that life behind searching for something exciting and unkown

Strength and resilience picked me up

Still in the back of my mind

I try to understand why

Someone called mother could not be kind

No matter the accomplishment , no matter the success

I could never get her love or praise

She hopes and prays that I will fail

And I know now she will never change her ways

She blames me for her life failings , and am I supposed to apologize

I feel her negativity reaching out for me, wanting to control me

I scream out "I refuse to be like her!"

Yet still I hear her voice telling me I will never be happy

But now that I am aware of this abusive family cycle

I need to stand tall and truly believe

That I am not what she says

Only then will self love be something I achieve