My Foolishness

I leave my window open

Thru it, I feel a cool breeze

It chills me

I rest my head upon my crossed arms

Framing the sill

I wait

It's dusk now

The rain falls

A little sideways

A little front ways

A little and a lot of ways

It feels fresh

Smells fresh

I close my eyes

I wait

It's twinkling in the sky now

A night as still as every other

The birds asleep

The frogs awake

The sky ablaze

yet peacefully still

I breathe deep and exhale slow

I wait

It's the escape from reality I wait for

the slumber I am in

is the dream I believe in.

But what of the promise I am counting on?

Am I a fool?

To sit so patient,

loyal to just words.

Were they real words?

Fake words?

Were they even words?

Or whispers on the breezes that came and went?

Hours of slumbered contemplation spent

as the raindrops would fall then stop.

Now dawn,

sun rays touching my face

with sweet kisses of colored light.

I waited all night...

Where is my promised flighted delight?

Where are my smiles?

They are in my head.

For asleep in my bed,

is my reality,

my foolishness.

If I scream,

its not going to help.

If I cry,

it's only going to make it worse.

If I wait it out,

I may lose my mind.

If I play along,

it's going to hurt.

I'm not sure what to do.

I don't think there's anything positive I can do.

I cannot run away,

there's no where to run.

I cannot walk away,

I'm already consumed.

If I stand-still,

it stands in front of me,

looks right through me,

into me and beneath me.

It hears me but ignores me.

It sees me the way it wants to see me.

So I'm self-proclaimed stuck

and my own weight might crush me.

I refuse to let myself win.

Honestly, a prize costs more than its worth.

The journey is worth the cost, right?

My heightened awareness is worth the cost.

It is better to know than to be naive?

It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair!

But alas,

nothing ever is, if I perceive it that way.

Eyes open.

Window shut.

I knew my choice,

before the sun came up.