My Body Is Not for Me

People truly don’t understand why women create not-safe-for-work (NSFW) content. I’ve gotten more messages about being an “Attention-seeking whore” than messages asking, “Why do you do this?” People have been trained to believe that a woman who uses her body for herself is vain. Women have been taught to perpetuate the idea that a woman’s body is only okay if it’s serving something or someone else.

I remember my first cosplay—Yoruichi from Bleach. I wanted to cosplay her after watching the episode where she transformed from a cat and Ichigo didn’t know that she was a naked black woman. Of course, it’s anime, so they had strategically placed puffs of smoke around her body so we understood that she was naked, but we couldn’t see ALL of her.

Ichigo was surprised (obviously) and had blood comically spraying from his nose because he was in the presence of a “Completely Naked Woman.” Yoruichi was unbothered and even amused that he took her nakedness in such a ridiculous way. She eventually got dressed, but not because he asked her, but because she needed him to focus on his training. I wanted to be that unbothered so I cosplayed her.

I used a fan-art version of her for reference and my dad told me I looked like a prostitute.

Fast-forward to my first AkaiCon and I entered their Risque Cosplay contents. Little did I know at the time, the “risque” part was basically amateur burlesque and I didn’t know until we were lined up. I had a split second decision to make—place.

There are so many rules surrounding my body. It’s okay for my doctor to finger me once a week to check how far I’ve dilated but it wasn’t okay for me to cosplay from Kill La Kill. It was okay for me to nurse my daughter but it wasn’t okay for me to post topless pictures of myself.

I got so tired of the rules I had to adhere to—my mom would tell me it’s about “principle.” No—it’s about control. I was tired of being controlled.

Now I show my body when I want to and set the rules for how I want to be treated. My Patreon empowers me and I enjoy decorating my body—dressed and undressed. I create content with my body that I enjoy—I don’t do requests. I’m not here to recreate someone else's fantasy. My Patreon is for me and if you enjoy it great, support me. But my body is for me and I’m going to keep it that way.

My body is not for me

My body is not for me

A man wanted it

So he took it

My body was for him

My body is not for me

Boyfriends fed it, clothed it, loved it

They wanted it

I gave it

My body was their reward for spending time with me

My body is not for me

My daughter needed it

To grow, to live, to nurture

I proudly provided it

My body is her first home

My body could be for me

Dresses I bought for it, I worked on it

I should do anything want with it

My body could be for me

Undressed, shaped and molded by my efforts

I want to show it

But only for me

What's it purpose?

If it's not for him , for her , for anyone

Without purpose does it serve?

WHO does it serve?

Slutty, attention seeking, whore

I am vain, a bitch, shameful

My body is beautiful, strong, naked

Uncontrolled, dark skinned, curves plains and angles

My body serves my purpose

My body is finally for me