My Anchor

I’ve been nauseous for days.

My chest has been aching.

I find it hard to breathe.

All I want to do is sleep.

I push myself again and again.

Trying to feel human.

The darkness keeps seeping in.

I can feel it flowing through me.

I can hear it whispering,

Telling me I don’t want to be here.

Invading my mind,

Too close for comfort.

Reminding me of all the things I’m scared of.

Terrifying me with those things I try to not think.

You come into view, my life vest.

You remind me why I’m here.

You are my reason to stay.

On days like this though

You feel like an anchor.

Like you’re holding me there in the middle of the ocean.

I feel like I’m drowning but I am just barely above water.

And I wish you would let me go down.

Like maybe I don’t have a choice anymore.

I need to be here,

I need to stay.

I should be comforted,

I should hold onto my purpose

But it feels like I’m suffocating.

I love you more than words can say.

But I wish you didn’t feel the same way.