Muse

I used to host parties, be at every dance

I was drawing pictures or writing in my book of rhymes

I was up on stage every change I got

I can't pinpoint an exact moment, but it all disappeared over time

My needs kept getting moved further down on the to do list

There weren't enough hours in the day

The passions once burning in my belly were barely a flicker

My light dimmed, my creativity slipped away

I didn't feel my battery slowly draining with no charger

So many dreams and talents I never thought I'd lose

I didn't realize until I met you that it had gone

But in you I felt it coming back, in you I found my muse

I had so many big plans, so many good ideas and big dreams

The hope and the dreams kept getting lost and replaced with depression and doubt

My mind and spirit were battered and broken, sometimes my body was literally beat down

Sometimes I expected Chris Tucker to pop up because life would just knock me the fuck out

I'm grateful for all I have in my life, but in so many ways

I was just going through the motions, checking off obligations

I felt scars healing with every kiss my spark reigniting with every laugh

I felt my mind waking back up, and I anticipated the next conversation

I'm so glad I met you even if it didn't work out like I'd hoped

I know I made so many mistakes, I misread so many cues

Just because it's not what I wanted doesn't mean it's not what it was meant to be

I didn't find what I was looking for, but in you I found my muse

I was walking around in a fog in my black and white 8mm reel world

But time spent with you was in full color, digitized, 4K UHD

In so many ways I was numb, my feelings dulled, which maybe was easier

For better or wore, now I feel the joy and the passion, but also the longing and aching, more intensely

There are so many things I wish I could say to you

But the words will probably never pass my lips

And my verses might not be the best, but you got me writing again

The suppressed words have come pouring out of my fingertips

I want to write you a concerto and serenade you

But I ended up writing these poems and singing the blues

We have so much in common, but I didn't find my best friend or other half

I didn't find a love connection, but in you I found my muse

Once again I was reminded that I wasn't satisfied just existing and wanted to start living

Once again I dared to dream, and the future was something I could clearly visualize

Once again my walls and shelves are littered with paintings and drawings

Once again I started singing, even if it was just karaoke and I couldn't look you in the eyes

I was disillusioned and guarded, any hope of finding love barely hanging on by a single heartstring

The first new poem I wrote I told you how I found peace and comfort when I was with you

I wish I could have stayed in that place, those moments, those arms, forever

My faith was restored, I imagined endless possibilities, even if they turned out to be too good to be true

Though far from perfect, I'm grateful for the time I've had with you

I do wonder what could have been, and it's not the ending I would choose

I didn't find my always and forever, but you'll always be in my heart

I didn't find my happily ever after, but in you I found my muse