Mum

They called me your shadow cus i followed you here and there,

but if id had my own way i wouldn't have followed you anywhere.

I would have gone my own way, found adventures by myself,

but i had to do what you told me too.

I wasn't allowed to do anything else.

I thought the abuse and psychological games were how it was meant to be,

not realising til i was older that you just didn't love,

me.

The mean things you said,

made me feel sad,

they confused my head,

I really believed i was bad.

Then i told you he touched me in a forbidden way,

but you laughed in my face, told me to go away.

You didn't believe me, you said that i lied.

That broke my heart and made me cry.

you both abused me in so many ways

im so glad neither of you are in my life today.

Im damaged enough and i sure don't need more,

its a forever goodbye, you are never welcome at my door.

As a mum you were meant to love and protect,

not abuse me with others,

turning me into a wreck.

But you just didn't care, i know that now,

I was nothing to you,

just a fat ugly cow.

yes i remember all of your names for me,

it's no wonder really why i don't like what i see.

when i look in the mirror all i hear is you,

telling me im disgusting , a burden and ugly too,

ive grown up believing all this is true.

Really, what kind of mum were you?

my girls will never feel this pain,

i'd die for them over and over again

then let them feel what i feel now

that's something that i'd never allow.

you may not have shown me how to be a mum,

but it's natural to me my girls are my number 1

its a shame i wasnt your number 1 too,

i guess you have nobody to blame

but you.