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Mourning Musings

The grief chronicles

By Renee FesserPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 2 min read
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Mourning Musings
Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

I have been working in mental health and providing therapy for those struggling with loss for what feels like a lifetime.

I have been grieving now for 7 years myself. Although I have had many losses in my life the most recent ones the loss of my Father followed by my ex-husband have been the hardest.

In order to get things done and care for others my own grief was on the backburner and like an iceberg it remained there beneath the surface waiting to emerge.

The ice is slowly melting and what comes up is surprising. A great body of work emerges and the birth of a book.

In the morning stillness on the weekends I struggle the most. I have tried like many to fill up time so I would not feel and this protracted grief.

I sit with others in their pain and yet I pushed my own down.

I am now allowing myself the space to mourn. This is a process. This is a gift that I have denied myself for too long.

Mornings are deafening with the world in solitude. Mourning in the morning may look like early waking or a dream that upsets. It may look like feeling frazzled and struggling to find keys. It may begin with coffee or tea and music or snuggles with my cat.

I wake and write and remember conversations and advice from my Father. I connected with him on the weekends and yearn to be able to talk again. I wonder what he would offer me now in terms of direction?

I wonder about my ex- husband and if he has found peace at last? I wonder if he is able to see our grandchildren and those that are still coming- our unborn grandchildren.

I wonder if I am offered forgiveness?

I know deep down that only I can offer myself this.

I let the raw emotions that arise just be and I pour my own cup and settle in with my cat.

Mourning is most difficult in the morning and late at night.

Days are filled and still on weekends the tears come like a flood.

This life I am living is good and I offer gratitude.

I allow myself the gift of feeling and being as I know that every experience that I have lived through and endured is my life.

This life is rich and full of gifts and opportunities that are ready for me once I let that iceberg melt.

If you are also experiencing grief and pain right now I encourage you to take time.

We rush through life and we don't need to hurry grief for it has it's own time. Love has no end date.

Much love,

Renee

love poems
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About the Creator

Renee Fesser

Renee is writer, therapist and lover of life and love. She loves working with people helping them to live their best lives. As an artist Renee continues to explore what this means. She loves writing about self help, love and poetry .

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