And there I was. Waiting for a huge ocean wave, to put me back against the shore, so I could collapse with the reality I was avoiding.
I looked back into the mirror.
I had changed a lot through the years.
My features had become more mature, my eyes could almost tell the truths I was hiding deep in my soul, and my lips would already start to blurt out all the words that burned my soul out.
After all, who was I?
A tiny sparkle in the galaxy, or maybe just a stone among the sand on the coast.
WHO AM I?
Was the question that brought me back to reality once again, slapping the hell out of me; although, I deserved that.
I could see all the thorns that bled my soul all through these years, right inside those hazel eyes of mine.
I never got roses. And what I'm saying, is not in the real figurative way, cause most of the people around or even in the whole world, hadn't gotten any roses. That's totally okay!
I am talking about MY roses. Just like those invisible thorns, that tore me apart.
Where could they be hiding?
Look here, or maybe here, or I don't know.
Oh, there they are, thank God!
I found them, but kinda late I guess, I can't smell them, as my nose has already been filled with the poison that had taken all over my soul.
Well, not everything is meant for us, okay, I get it!
It wasn't meant for me to have those roses; after all, they must be from the type that is genetically modified, huh, they don't smell at all. anyway.
But... Why are my hands still bleeding from those thorns, oh God?! And, this is not even blood, I guess?
And unfortunately, I'm all alone right now, so, I can't ask anyone for that!
I felt thirsty some time ago.
For happiness I guess. Yet there's not even a bit to quench the thirst.
What a luck! "Oh come on, you don't have to be so pessimistic", was what I told myself right away.
I put a smile on my face, and began looking again in the mirror; while diminishing the distance between me and it. I thought I looked pretty! For a moment.
After all, beauty is just an illusion, right?
Those roses looked way flawless when I saw them from a distance too!
All those flaws, that maybe others could not see, but I can; and at least I won't try to fool myself about my flawlessness, just like that stupid rose.
For a moment, a scream escaped my soul. And as all those empty corridors of my soul heard its echo, I felt something.
It was less than beauty, but more of a survivor, an existence, trying to hold beneath the broken branches of an old oak tree, while all the leaves had already fell down on the ground.
At least, I was here!
Trying with all my existence to leave maybe just a bit of my soul dust around, in this world.
Or maybe trying to show that I'm not beautiful, but I beautifully exist; with all my flaws and all that I have to offer to this world and all the beings that co-exist with me.
Maybe I don't have the voice to tell everyone, but at least I could do it for myself.
May I be the voice I never let out, to admit all those times that I didn't feel enough, or comfortable in my own skin!
May I always say what bleeds my soul, so, I can try to find the cure for those rips, or just to stitch them away, until they don't bleed anymore.
May all of my scars remind me of how beautiful my existence is, that I never try to back off from the real me...