MINDNIGHT

Late last night, I fell asleep.

A sleep so deep that

I stopped counting sheep.

I figured that I'd be okay

If I didn't wake up.

I don't know what more to say;

I told you my struggles, and

Gave you so many signs.

You never pressed for more

Even when I said that I was fine.

I went from danger to stranger,

Estranged friend and back again.

Y'know, I wish,

I wish you could read my mind...

No, no, I don’t.

I'm afraid of what you'd find...

Some things you don't wanna know

Especially if you're a fake fright.

Even when you're blind, I still

Try to fight for what's right.

Humility in my hide,

I hide behind a mask.

Rays of fears and failures;

I may be a son of man,

But for help, I just can't ask.

Life bare with achievements,

I feel like I'm a disappointment.

Gotta make an adjustment:

Gotta reset.

Get that mindset.

State of mind.

A one of a kind.

Gotta be better

Like an A1 letter,

But don't be a trendsetter.

For when Bruce Lee said,

"Be like water,"

He didn't mean, be mainstream.

Instead, be like a river;

Even when nothing's what it seems,

Break past the rocks and barriers,

Burst through the seams.

They tell me not to hold back;

I'm losing control.

I'm on a kill streak;

I'm on a roll.

With this steam,

I need some stability,

I ain't Flash, ain't got that speed,

Ain't got that agility.

Not in a wheelchair,

But my mind's my disability.

They say that life's not fair,

But fair was never far.

Gotta set the bar,

Gotta be the best.

'Cause if I ain't a star,

Then why am I still shooting?

Trapped in time and space,

Like a prison for the plenty;

An enemy of the family;

But this isn't my place,

Only tryna save face.

But I'm nowhere near to sane;

Def not the same,

Mind's going wild,

You can't tame it.

But don't frame me;

Mugshot ain't worth it,

Fists like a hammer,

But they ain't like Mjolnir.

You see, death seems so near;

Life and lights too far;

Gotta fight, got no fear;

Time's got a hold on me,

It's the time bomb of here.

'Cause when I was younger,

They taught me to

Be brave and be bold.

Now imagine if you treated me

As if I had a cold;

You say that you didn't know

What to say, what to do;

All this smoke that you put out,

It's clouding your judgement.

You're leaving me in your dust,

Why does it feel like

Everything I invest in is a bust?

These empty voids,

They eat me alive;

It's like my mind's on steroids,

Like bees buzzing pollen to a hive.

Just wanna fly, get high,

Wanna cry, wanna die;

Neck hanging by some rope,

I feel like I'm choking,

I've lost all hope.

You don't wanna pry,

Only wanna tell me to pray;

Life hanging in the balance

Life hanging by a harness

Even my shadows, they haunt me;

They follow me into the darkness;

Feeling like a misfit,

At home, I don't belong.

At church, I don't fit.

At school, I'm wrong.

In my zone, I can't write songs;

I write lyrics like poems,

Poetry for my soul,

Poetry is my fast.

Can't forgive my past,

I forgive anyone but me.

Cutting ties like I cut myself

It's like everyone's cool but me.

No one gives a shit 'bout me.

Just gotta keep bluffing;

You're alive, but I'm dying;

Friendly fun-loving;

Save your pity for the living.

Share my feelings?

Nah, that's forbidden.

Eyes to the ceiling,

Insomnia's my heroin,

It's become my need.

Faith's still a seed,

Discipline's my creed,

And pride's like greed.

But I hate the spotlight.

I don't play for the attention,

It spans across, even with a

Fear of rejection,

I'm flying full flight,

Y'know, I ain't that book bright;

But I'm grateful for my brothers,

We tight.

I admit that my mind ain't right,

But it hasn't left either.

I call this mindnight,

'Cause no one understands me;

Everyone's in hindsight.

I may give up on fighting;

Bet on it 'cause I just might.

Barely getting by, so slight;

Still in the darkness,

I've lost sight;

I can't see the light.

But I'll keep saying it:

I'm alright.