Medicinal

Maybe I will, maybe I won’t,

Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,

Maybe I should, maybe I shan’t,

Maybe I can, I probably can’t,

The capsules are there,

I hold them in my hand,

And the box they came from,

Represents a foreign land,

Somewhere, a place imagination rules,

Nobody’s trade requires any tools,

You see what you want, you see it for yourself,

A place where you need no identity or sense of self,

They make me dizzy,

They make me sweat,

They make me tired,

They make me forget,

I think I’m the something in my way,

Endless nights and endless days,

I’m pretty lost here,

My tears aren’t tears,

I cry stars and my smile is the moon,

Sometimes I can’t smile,

Sometimes I just can’t feel,

My sense of shame is heightened,

The world has less appeal,

Everyone watches me through their second pair of eyes,

Constantly, it never stops,

They watch as I try,

They can’t see pain, nor lack of pleasure,

Misery, or lack of measure,

But every wrong step is what they watch for,

Pushing a pull door,

The audience to my unwitting pantomime,

It’s fine to laugh at someone who doesn’t know what’s happening half the time,

They live for the misfires,

It’s funny to them,

I miss my real self,

But I won’t see her again.