Magic into Existence:

Ode to all the Children:

I would of loved to have:

I have spent

so many nights speaking

ill of my body,

until

I became sick...

I dreamt of a

never attainable life...

My body said, sorry sucker,

once is all you get-

My brain says, stop the struggle

drowning only takes seconds...

My mouth feels like a blowhole

as I surface for air.

Trapped,

beneath a thin layer of ice.

I feel my hope,

crack like a house

partially

fallen through a frozen lake..

I have dreamt of you,

tucked you in,

heard giggling

of siblings through

shared bedroom wall.

Whom I hush, reminding

them it’s time for bed—

How dreamy, that would be...

Spoke your names—

Grieved for an experience,

never given the opportunity,

to share

with someone I love..

Comforting thoughts,

of donating my eggs

brought fleeting joy.

Learned even eggs,

have expiration dates

as if they were a jar of kosher pickles.

To all the children, I wished

I could magic into existence...

I would be remiss

If I did not say,

you would had a wonderful

big sis...