Love Me Toxically

The darkness descends, a creeping chill in the air, the room seems to spin as his breathing is laboured and rare.

I watch him lay there, lifeless but somewhat still alive.

The numbing sensation racing through his veins, his salvation, his crutch, all he knows for the pain.

His life slowly slips away and his future is unclear, as the poison in his body seeps deeper, death soon ever nearer.

A broken heart in an empty room, with no light to shine for him to bloom.

He feels a crushing guilt for his actions, regretting that he allowed himself to lose control.

Tears stream down his face with a flow of sorrow mixed with shame, he struggles to forgive himself as he is to blame.

He swears that he’ll do better and begs me for forgiveness, hoping I can look passed his illness.

Meanwhile, I dream of a day when I can lay by his side, safe and free from tears, away from drugs forever more.

I crave the chance to be free from this poison and to silently drift away with him for all of eternity.

Despite my sorrows, I long to be enveloped by his soft touch, to live and die with the one who holds my dreams.

But he does not see nor hear me, no matter how loudly I scream.

So until then, my soul remains in darkness, yearning for each moment as it passes.

I lay here brokenly, hoping and waiting for a chance to escape this horrid reality.

I keep forgiving him, no matter how much he hurts me.

I don't know why I continuously forgive him, over and over.

I shield him from the wrath of my inner storm, protecting him from all the pain he creates.

I take my heartaches and fears, I bury them deep, convinced his love will keep away the tears.

I still yearn for his love, believing it will save me, but unaware of how much it will enslave me.

My life spirals in turmoil, brought upon me by his lies, but still, I stay to see his beloved broken eyes.

The ever-growing storm of wicked codependency, his embrace no longer able to protect me from my darkness and the deceits of my own mind.

The thoughts and questions that cling to my every move, draw me back to him even as I try to escape.

The chains of desire and need, grip ever tighter.

Both our hearts turn to stone, as our hopes and ambition flutter away.

The beauty of our relationship fades to the depths of pain and emptiness.

A vicious cycle of lies and dishonesty, leaving me alone to fight for love, forever bound to the cycle of this toxic co-dependency.

Amidst the chaos and despair, still searching for a light that can pull us from the depths of this agony.