Love can be scary
Met my soulmate this is dedicated to Deven George
The day you told me you loved me
Terrified me
You see my last relationship left me an empty shell
That’s why I am the way I am
When it comes to how I feel about myself
When I say my shell I mean my ego
My emotions and even my actions
They all have been damaged to the point that some days, I’ll frustrate myself
If it’s not from my last relationship
It’s from my parent-child relationship
Maybe we can just blame this all on my grandpa
Because blaming is just so much easier than taking the heat
For what you do
For what empty shell I am
I thought I was in love with someone who regularly checked my phone
Told me what not to wear
Who I could socialize with
This person I said “I love you” too would tell me when he wanted to have sex
Not ask if I was in the mood
He would threaten that I didn’t love him because I wouldn’t go out of my way to do dangerous things with him
He would make me do things that I wasn’t comfortable with
But I did them anyway because “I loved” him right?
I kept a smile on my face
When I really should’ve had the words “fuck you” printed across my lips
When I looked back on how I ended up with him in the first place
It was because I wanted him
I had a boy ,cheat on a girl, he was interested in for him to be with me
I was selfish
Demanding of all unnatural things
Looking back on all the things I went through to get him and keep him
It only shows up as karma doing her job
I made a mistake
As my life has progressed in high school all I have made are countless mistakes
I hung out with girls that were groupies and got my name permanently written there
On accident
I didn’t see those girls as that classification
I saw them as people who didn’t have what they needed
So they looked for it in the wrong places
Now my existence is stuck in the book of “troubled girls”
I’m only known as the girl from T-high
That’s all I’ll ever be known by
But when you said those words to me that book I didn’t want to be in, in the first place closed
The gates to the walls I had built where unlocked
Finally, the first time in a long time I hadn’t made a mistake
All the ones I had made before were all somehow fixed
Because I said I love you back
About the Creator
Lavinia Guadalupe
I am a published poet four times over in Topeka Kansas. I rarely write happy sounding poems or stories. Most of what I write is personal in a way, or somewhat controversial. Nothing I write is meant to offend anyone. Please read and enjoy!
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