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Love can be scary

by Lavinia Guadalupe 2 years ago in love poems
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Met my soulmate this is dedicated to Deven George

Love can be scary
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

The day you told me you loved me

Terrified me

You see my last relationship left me an empty shell

That’s why I am the way I am

When it comes to how I feel about myself

When I say my shell I mean my ego

My emotions and even my actions

They all have been damaged to the point that some days, I’ll frustrate myself

If it’s not from my last relationship

It’s from my parent-child relationship

Maybe we can just blame this all on my grandpa

Because blaming is just so much easier than taking the heat

For what you do

For what empty shell I am

I thought I was in love with someone who regularly checked my phone

Told me what not to wear

Who I could socialize with

This person I said “I love you” too would tell me when he wanted to have sex

Not ask if I was in the mood

He would threaten that I didn’t love him because I wouldn’t go out of my way to do dangerous things with him

He would make me do things that I wasn’t comfortable with

But I did them anyway because “I loved” him right?

I kept a smile on my face

When I really should’ve had the words “fuck you” printed across my lips

When I looked back on how I ended up with him in the first place

It was because I wanted him

I had a boy ,cheat on a girl, he was interested in for him to be with me

I was selfish

Demanding of all unnatural things

Looking back on all the things I went through to get him and keep him

It only shows up as karma doing her job

I made a mistake

As my life has progressed in high school all I have made are countless mistakes

I hung out with girls that were groupies and got my name permanently written there

On accident

I didn’t see those girls as that classification

I saw them as people who didn’t have what they needed

So they looked for it in the wrong places

Now my existence is stuck in the book of “troubled girls”

I’m only known as the girl from T-high

That’s all I’ll ever be known by

But when you said those words to me that book I didn’t want to be in, in the first place closed

The gates to the walls I had built where unlocked

Finally, the first time in a long time I hadn’t made a mistake

All the ones I had made before were all somehow fixed

Because I said I love you back

love poems

About the author

Lavinia Guadalupe

I am a published poet four times over in Topeka Kansas. I rarely write happy sounding poems or stories. Most of what I write is personal in a way, or somewhat controversial. Nothing I write is meant to offend anyone. Please read and enjoy!

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