Love

When I first met you, the thought never crossed my mind that we would be engaged not even a year down the road.

You said you knew from the start that I was special and that you wanted to marry me... all I wanted was to be friends.

Before I knew it, our hangouts became dates, although I honestly have no idea how they did.

You told me you loved me but my heart was still with her... even though I had ended our relationship.

My friends all told you how lucky of a guy you were to have snagged me. Told you I was such a catch. But I stood there wondering, how had I gotten myself into this?

I can still hear the voices of my friends... hear them telling me how they felt when they were in love.

How their heart pounded every time they saw their partner.

How the sound of their voice sent chills up their spine.

How they were always so happy and giddy because they were in love.

But with you, I didn't feel any of that.

Not really anyway...

Sure, I guess I felt happier than normal for a short time.

But other than that, I just feel empty inside.

I look at you and I know deep down that I love you...

But...

How do I tell you our relationship just doesn't feel right?

How every time that most would feel joyous and happy...

I feel so sad and empty.

I look at you, and all I feel is pain...

For myself and for you.

I know I'm hurting you.

I know I'm not good for you.

My demons are killing me and they'll slowly drag you down too.

I'm broken...

Unhappy...

But I'm too scared to tell you we're through...